I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
