I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
