I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
