and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
