I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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