Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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