btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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