No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
