Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
