Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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