$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
