Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
whose ass print is on the piano?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
