drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
