You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
