You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
