I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
