State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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