Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
