he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
