some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
