You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
