If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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