I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
