Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
