Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
