Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
