That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
