He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
