he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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