Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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