After last night, I could never be a politician.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
