I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
