So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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