the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
