And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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