the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
