Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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