Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
