I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
