Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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