Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
