I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
