I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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