I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
