woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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