my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
