no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
