She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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