you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
