I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
