Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
