this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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